I’ve been told that my wife may soon be a widow if I put this in the paper, but I’ve decided to take my chances because I honestly don’t think she’ll shoot me.
The reason I’ve come to this conclusion is that I’ve done my own recent calculation of our financial position and I don’t believe she can afford to dispose of my carcass and still be able the get along with all the agencies and entities of government that have to sign off on such matters.
It’s no small wonder to me that Americans are living longer. We’ve created a bureaucracy wherein nobody agrees on the exact rules on how to go about dying and nobody can afford to, even if they did. All of this is beside the point right now.
On the first Saturday of June, Friends of Paint Lick (FOPL) had their annual summer yard sale. Seasonal yard sales of donated stuff, including garden vegetable plants, is one way the organization goes about generating enough cash to pay the utility bills and allows it to keep its doors open year round.
Started up in the early 1980s by a retired senior citizen and an elementary school student who believed Paint Lick needed a place to voluntarily be of service to itself, FOPL currently serves as a community center of sorts, a food and clothing distribution center for folks who need help and a quiet place to read.
My wife’s big thing at FOPL right now is what she calls their “layette program,” whereby FOPL tries to make sure that any new babies born into uncertain economic circumstances in our neck of the woods, and their mothers have a warm and welcoming supply at home of all the stuff one normally associates with babies. Surely you do not expect me to itemize that list? The editors say there are some other items they need to get in their newspapers.
If you want to know more about it, call Loretta. She has time on her hands and can yack on the phone. That might also get her out of my hair, but please don’t tell her I said that.
So, I bagged up a bunch of good shirts, some nice, but too-small-for-me athletic shoes, an old fishing reel and I forget what else and sent it down to FOPL on Friday. Loretta spent the entire day there, along with a dozen or so other women working to get stuff priced and ready for the big Saturday sale.
I’m finally learning in my old age the best way to treat yard sales is to either have them or stay away from them. I have so much junk scattered around that I’ve purchased at yard sales over the decades that I can’t even find a hammer when I need one. On the other hand, I can sit right here and rattle off at least a dozen places where I’ve picked up a good hammer at a yard sale for 50 cents. Who’s gonna turn down a deal like that?
I stayed away from the FOPL sale, even though Loretta came home and told me they had several things she thought I’d like. We have a big house, a big double garage that’s never had a car parked in it and a relatively large storage building all crammed so full that we can’t find anything we need. Still, she encourages me to shop for more.
Loretta left the house just after daylight on the day of the sale to help out with the clerical duties and to take advantage of a few bargains herself. She had an Annual Homemakers Association Luncheon at Boone Tavern that had been scheduled for like a year and she also wanted to attend. So, she bowed out of the FOPL sale just before noon.
When she came home from Berea in mid-afternoon, the FOPL sale was winding down. Prices on several very nice items had also been drastically slashed by percent or more from the morning asking price.
One particular pair of ultra-cute soft, big name-brand, cream-colored, leather sandals that looked brand new caught her eye and they were reduced from $5 down to $2. She bought them because who could turn down a deal like that?
She brought them home and started showing them off . I noticed one of them had a little blue dot on the sole, up next to the heel with the number one on it. Loretta’s face turned beet red.
She did confess that years ago she purchased the sandals at a yard sale in Richmond for a dollar. They had been in her closet, never worn since. In the spirit of generosity, she gave them to the FOPL yard sale last Friday. Then, she bought them back on Saturday because they were one great deal.